it just got worse
Catch me here
  • Home
  • Life
    • Arrested in aisle eight
    • Class war, doggy style
    • Stepping around the bovines
    • I'm up to two idiots
    • The day my pants stood still
    • I tried not to be Jewish
    • Mexican standoff at the phone directory
    • Banana at the wheel
    • Calling all weirdos
    • Utterly confused by Judaism
    • Attack of the transphobic loo
  • Love
    • Cat Power sings to Saturn
    • Speed dating at 45kph
    • My Valentine, be me
    • I was the ugliest girl
    • My nanna’s surfing the after-life
    • I wanted a pretty dress
    • I kissed a postie
    • In the Valley of the Vulva
  • Sick
    • Mad at five-eighty
    • Stimulation on mum's loo
    • Coming out as carnivore
    • Banned from visiting my mum
  • Kids
    • The Toddler Terminator
    • Flying with a wedge of plastic up your arse
    • Bob the 'death metal' Builder
    • A good financial return on children
  • Work
    • Why bakers love SpongeBob SquarePants
    • A car mechanic rebuilt my website
    • 'Sexy corner' bites into online sales
    • New air fragrance sprays shelves
    • Popping the office cork
    • Making the Russian women smile
    • Free-range charcoal chicken
    • Poo tastings
    • I walked along the river
    • A car mechanic worked my gender
  • World
    • North Korea's hair to the throne
    • Did Hitler hate chairs?
    • Abacus v2.0
    • 'Horrific scenes' at Sydney airport: Man arrested
    • Zoo gets new baby animal: ‘Wormy’
  • Arts
    • Digital ads
    • Posters
    • Back when my music was hard-core
    • Fat-heads and short-arses
    • New release movies >
      • Rabbi-Proof-Fence
      • Compound Joe
      • They Came From Sally
    • Breaking bad English
    • Dorothy - cult leader, sadist, bully
    • C is for comms
  • Supers
    • Pants Girl: A seriously sensible superhero
    • Z is for Zoidberg
  • Connect
    • 2018 birthday
    • About someone
    • About Bill Murray
    • Subscribe
    • Get in touch

Class war, doggy style                                        5 Nov 2012

To the Lost Dogs Home,

I’m writing to complain about your failure to properly inform me about the dog I adopted in March.

Yes, he is a cute Maltese Shih Tzu cross. ... Sure, he’s great with the kids. ... Okay, he never does a mess in the house.

But if only that was it. You see, dear Casper is a middle-class snob.

On walks he seems friendly at first - until we pass a blue-collar worker. He just wants to tear their hearts out.

This went on for months. Eventually we moved to an inner suburb where we hoped to be around white-collar types.

Unfortunately, we moved to one of those fast-gentrifying suburbs. Old houses everywhere are being torn down and replaced with pre-fab townhouses. You can’t turn a corner without spotting ‘builders’ crack’.

And our new house is a money-pit. The dishwasher broke, the doors are warped and the wiring’s shot. Between the plumbers, carpenters and sparkies, the dog’s gone nuts.

In the end we put Casper in therapy. The vet shrink said we need to identify the exact profile of his nemesis.

So last night Casper and I jumped online and built a facial composite. After a lot of ‘one bark for yes, two for no’, we finally found our guy. See pics at right. We gave it a couple tries. I don’t think it helped though. He just pounced on the iPad and broke the screen.

So, I ask, why didn’t you warn us that this dog has such a class issue?

We demand our money back. Or poor Casper’s off pushing daisies. The kids will not be happy.

Yours, in desperation,

'Forever in well-starched shirts and ties’

Picture
Picture
Picture




NEWSLETTER

Subscribe for free here


MORE FROM LIFE

Mad at five-eighty

Arrested in aisle eight


Stepping around the bovines

I'm up to two idiots

Back when my music was hard-core

The day my pants stood still

I tried not to be Jewish


Fat-heads and short-arses

 
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.