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Banned from visiting my mum                           1 June 2016

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You heard right. And just because I'm transgender.

Shocking, I tell you.
 
My mum doesn’t mind me being boy or girl. She calls me her second daughter. How amazing.
 
But she’s not too well, and she lives in an old aged home. And it’s the staff there who want me gone.
 
Here’s the thing. I’m not living full-time as a female, and sometimes I visit her as a guy, other times as a girl.
 
Simple for me. Simple for my mum. But not for the staff.
 
It started with the residents complaining. Alright; not so much complaining as getting very confused and distressed.
 
Even though my mum has her mental faculties in order, that can’t be said for many of the residents. Quite a few have dementia. Sad I know, and they get very puzzled seeing a guy come in one week, then someone who kind of looks like his weird sister the next.
 
As I’ve been informed, it transpires that one patient complained, as follows:
Patient: “I tell you, sometimes it’s a he, then he turns into a she!”
Head Nurse: “Is this like the time you told us magic fairies are in your room?”
Patient: “No, I made that up to move room. This is real. He changes sex all the time!”
 
After that, the patient had his meds upped.
 
Apparently lots of patients have had their meds upped on account of my part-time transgender status.
 
The families of the residents started complaining too, and now the staff want me banned.
 
Of course they cannot legally stop me visiting my mum.

Now I'm wondering if I could turn it to my advantage. I could make a deal with the big pharmaceutical companies. I could go around to every old age home in town, confuse the hell out of the patients and get their meds upped.

The pharma companies would get a revenue boost, old nanna and pops get sedated, the staff get a lunch break, and I get a humble hawker's fee.

It's a win-win!






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At least I know who I am




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MORE FROM LIFE

Arrested in aisle eight

Class war, doggy style

Stepping around the bovines

I'm up to two idiots

Back when my music was hard-core

The day my pants stood still

I tried not to be Jewish

Fat-heads and short-arses


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